I don't know what will come but I do touch what is right now. Should I be open enough, I realize that now is just as unknown as it changes every moment.Â
Its terrifying to allow myself to be surprised by what it is that wants to be created in each moment. That I can feel myself as part of the ocean and its currents rather than just an isolated drop. Can you imagine an ocean so fast that everything you'd ever want and think to look for its already there?
The sense of belonging and home is available at every moment but it flies in the face of reality and what is sensible. What is sensible and rational I discovered is so small and narrow, it's like a thin wall you look at from the side, yet what is unreasonable is infinite, its all possible and it's all available to you, to me, in the now moment.
Sometimes the fear of being so open is strong so I trick myself into believing that what I want is not possible right now. Love and a healthy relationship is not available for me right now. Maybe one day in the future it might be. Sometimes I even stop myself in believing its possible all together. I already expect something that is not right now and I keep myself imprisoned, away from creation that is available in the now moment. I rob myself of connection.
It's a condition of protection because if I know I can control. If I can control I can be safe. Its an illusion. Maybe the only thing I'm missing or looking for is the now. Its waiting for me to be present enough so it can create through me.
I am told that the creator loves paradoxes. Perhaps the biggest paradox of all is that it does not matter what plays out and it's all just an opportunity to be free.
Love,
Ines
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